I have been publishing my work since 1998. I mean, it's been a while now, and I have more than 60 books and novels to my name. In that time, I have written and published horror, thrillers, fiction, non-fiction, action/adventure and so many other things I cannot even place them.
The fact is, and one that I routinely have to face day after day, is that despite all of this I am an "also-ran." Even that is being generous since technically an also-ran is a horse that comes in second or third in a race. It's something I struggle with and this blog is, yes, going to be me navel-gazing and probably complaining a bit. If that ain't your bag, you can come back tomorrow.
The Early Days
I wrote my first novel, The Ballad of the Blue Denim Gang, over the course of several years in the late 90s. I hand wrote quite a lot of it, then transferred that to Word and finished it. It was well over 500 pages, had WAY too many characters and I tried to get an agent and a publisher. I knew nothing about editing and how to find an editor, plus I was making just over 20K a year at my job (it was the 90s), and times were tight.
I did eventually find a Print-On-Demand publisher for it. I was so excited to get my author copy. However, it went nowhere as self-published books did. However, I soon had another one called The Vanished Child, which is actually a mystery thriller and not a bad little tale. I found another POD publisher and, again, wished and hoped.
Along Comes Amazon
Of course, things changed when Amazon came into being. People don't realize today that Amazon 1.0 was just a massive online bookstore. Soon, I was able to get my books on there. However, I stopped writing for a bit from the late 90s into the early aughts. I was focused on my career, which at that time was in HR.
Then, in the early aughts I wrote a novel called DUST. It was another thriller. Then, right after that my first venture into true horror - RIG.
I can't remember exactly how, but I found some Australian publisher who was trying to create an online bookstore for this new thing called ebooks. The Kindle did not exist yet, but some e-readers did. They were expensive and crappy and so I sold exactly nothing. Also - there was no social media yet so there was nowhere for me to go and market these books.
Then, somehow, I got notification about Amazon and their brand new toy - The Kindle. I soon signed up for their author program and put both DUST and RIG on there. RIG began selling quickly. Neither of them had been edited properly, but people liked RIG.
The Self-Publisher
I figured I would stick with those, but then had ideas for more books. I was also writing short stories. I was still trying to find an agent, but it soon became clear agents hated me for reasons they could never explain.
I dove into being a self-publisher. I had a few friends agree to be Beta readers and editors. I wrote thrillers (After the Snowfall) and horror (Vicious). Then suddenly, in 2006, a non-fiction publisher was looking for people to write about haunted houses in various American cities. I pitched St. Louis and, thus, I was now officially published via a real honest-to-goodness publisher.
Non-Fiction Writing
I soon found another non-fiction publisher and, for a time, was writing historical and true crime books for both. At the same time, I was still trying to find an agent and a publisher for the fiction, but getting frustrated and publishing myself. I was soon cranking out 1 novel and 1 non-fiction work a year.
SalGad Publishing
Then a friend from the UK agreed to publish VICIOUS. I was so excited. This was it. I was going to sell enough to quit my job and be an author full time! I wrote my YA novel Sapphire and that went over even better and I worked with a real editor and my life and the entire way I wrote changed.
When neither became runaway bestsellers, their rights returned to me and they ended up as self-published.
The Life of a Second-Stringer
Other friends were NY Times bestsellers. They talked about their agents. They headlines book tours. I was attending signings where I sold maybe 1 book or the really embarrassing one where no one showed up. I jumped on social media. I was on MySpace, then Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads and rebuilt and rebuilt again my own website. I wrote my own blog.
Still no agent. I imagined that as soon as any literary agent saw an email from me they screamed, and ran from the office into the street. I seemed to be poison.
I never got an Amazon banner, but my books tended to follow a trend. An initial burst of sales, then slowing down, and then books would become steady sellers, but not huge sellers. RIG still sold. Sapphire sold. Vicious sold. Then I wrote my magnum opus, The Man from Taured and that sold really well at first, then dropped off...and then came 2019. Suddenly TMFT began selling like hotcakes.
I realize now, it probably crossed that threshold of 50 reviews, but it was baffling at the time. And still, I was self-publishing. I started a fiction podcast. My non-fiction books were showing up in Targets, CVS, and the gift shops of museums! Every Halloween a radio station in St. Louis would call me to talk about my haunted house book.
And yet, I was still working a day job. I was writing, but for other people. And still, no one really thought of me as an author.
Modern Day
Now, I have more than 60 books or novels. Amazon changed their algorithms so much if I make $10 from my books, that's a good month. For a brief shining moment when RIG was up on Kindle I was making a decent side income and had hope I could do it all myself. That vanished fast.
Then came Wicked House. They published DEVOURED and it's been amazing. However, still no banner. No bestseller list. Just a steady seller that people seem to like, but not quite adore.
Then came Unveiling Nightmares, now Baynam Publishing, and I have become a steady seller there, too. I love my publishers now. It feels so good to have them in my corner. It's amazing.
I have won awards now. Still no elusive Stoker or Shirley Jackson, but I now have two BookFest Awards and an International Impact Book Award. I am in my 50s now and I love that my friends are young up and comers and I truly, sincerely do all I can to boost them, encourage them.
But there are times when I wish I was better known. This is the "poor me" part. I don't get the invites to the book events. I don't get tables at things like Books and Brews (and sorry, but that hurts. It hurts a lot. See all of the work I listed above and still it's a no?). I am not a known name except to a select few whom I love, truly, but sometimes I do get down.
I Will Still Write
I love writing. The stories come whether I want them to or not. I cannot seem to take a break. My podcast does pretty well. I like the awards these days. I will keep writing and keep publishing.
But there are days when I feel like Solieri in Amadeus, of course. I am only human. Looking through the bars at those producing content people go nuts for, while my own just kinda...goes along. The reviews are better. The stories, I think, are better than ever.
I just have to live that life of an also-ran. A second stringer. Maybe when I'm dead, those things will start to sell and suddenly I'll be the next HP Lovecraft.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and whine and feel sorry for myself. I'll get back to the fun stuff tomorrow.
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